What face today?

This week has been very testing!

 
  The second week of the school holidays and i had to stay in bed on Wednesday as i was in so much pain. I struggled to get into the hospital for my blood test, and after that i stayed in the car when my kids and partner went into Tesco, that's when they know its bad. That afternoon i stayed in bed watching American Horror Story with a brew and medication.

I was taking my Co Codamol 2x 30/500 and it really wasn't touching the pain, it was  if it was a placebo!

So yes, since then my pain has been ridiculous, im usually quite good at linking my pain to something i.e, doing too much, walking, running, stress etc. But nothing seems different. The only thing i can link to it is the sudden weather changes again to colder windy weather.

My problem, i hide the pain, i have to! I have family worried, children to look after, i cant show them that im hurting..IM FINE, or thats what i want them to think.

I am very behind on blogging due to all this, i spoke to my nurse at the hospital and she told me to ask my GP for something for the bad days, like Oramorph, i really doubt he will give me anything like that as hes told me to just take Paracetamol whilst on the Gabapentin!

No chance!

Lets just sit here :)

Lets just sit here and relax today. Once again the week has caught up on me even though in the school holidays all the days roll into one!

Mentally i'm OK today, physically i'm a bit achy but hey iv got a cup of tea, my children are playing and its a good day.

Keep smiling peeps :)

A successful doctors appointment

Today is my first GP visit after seeing the doctor at the pain clinic a few months back, who after looking through my notes agreed i did in fact have Fibromyalgia and he started me on Gabapentin.

I have had so much trouble over the years with doctors regarding my pain.

 My Endocrinologist and Neurologist were great! They set up blood work, MRI scans, a muscle biopsy and X-rays, which showed absolutely nothing to why i'm feeling this way and in so much pain. I did have Graves disease and had my Thyroid removed as they thought it was causing the pain, which it wasn't and i now suffer from the Hypoparathyroidsim which i will write about one day.

I eventually saw a Rheumatologist who is usually the main man to officially diagnose Fibro, he gave me a medical and stated i had a lot of tender points and restriction in movement.

He told me, "It's Chronic Pain Syndrome and it will go".

So now three years later, it still hasn't gone! My GP has told me i am now being reffered to a specialst for my Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue.

I am so happy it has finally got to my GP after my Endocrinologist told me this years ago after all my tests came back clear, i even have paperwork of the diagnosis which i did take to my Pain clinic.

When i first got the inkling of it being Fibro, i read a lot of people finally got diagnosed after 5, 6,7 years and it baffled me! I now understand why it does take so long, so many specialists throwing different answers in the mix.

If you are in the middle of a diagnosis....... keep fighting!

Blood work day!

Here it is again, hospital blood test day which i have attended weekly for the past 3 years. These tests are to monitor my calcium levels as i suffer from Hypoparathyroidism after an operation to remove my Thyroid due to Graves disease, which they also though was causing my pain which was later diagnosed as Fibromyalgia, Chronic pain Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue syndrome.

On my way to hospital i received a message from my cousin to tell me my Granddad has had a fall and hurt his back, he was currently in an ambulance to the hospital i was attending.
I had my bloods done quickly and rushed around to see my Granddad, his brother was there to who followed him down behind the ambulance (my great uncle but i call him uncle).
My Granddad is a big man with a bigger heart and i know if he could help it he would have tried to hide the pain he was in from me so i didn't worry, which seemed near enough impossible.
The porters came and wheeled his down to the X-ray department to check there were no breaks etc, my uncle went outside for some fresh air whilst he was in so i sat outside the room and waited.
I will never forget the painful screams that were coming from the room whilst they tried to position my Granddad for an X-ray. My 74 year old Granddad seemed in so much pain to wail out through the hospital corridors with nothing i could do to help him.
This is something i will never tell them, unless they read this of course but i doubt it, whoever i spoke to on the phone i reassured them he was fine and hes had an X-ray and painkillers which were kicking in, which they were i didnt lie...i just hid parts of it...white lies?

I am quite glad it was me there as i think now i have hardened a bit, seeing somebody in pain, due to the pain iv endured over the years, i know if it was my mum, Nan, aunties they may have broke down.
I waited there until he was wheeled out and i smiled at him, It will be OK!

He was discharged later that day as the X-ray was clear, he seemed to have strained a muscle which is good news.

Sadly the anxiety i endured between setting of from home to the hospital ( even though i didn't show it), it caused my calcium levels to drop, my levels were 1.83...normal should be around 2.4, so now i'm being closely monitored again!

Day 2 of School being out.

My Feelings: USELESS

The weather hasn't been the best, typical English Summer hey!.

Yesterday i promised the Kids we can go to the park today, then today came and my pain is still bad.

This is when my mood goes way down. 

Why am i like this? 

What did i do to be given pain like this? 

My energy is almost depleted, i am on the sofa downstairs with my notebook, my legs are aching so bad, its in my bones i'm sure! My ankles and wrists feel splintered when i move, my neck and shoulders are no better than my legs. WHY?!

My memory isn't the best at the moment so i'm going to refer back to this and write it in my little note book (yes another notebook lol) for my CBT appointment as all i can tell them is I've felt down but then cant put into words why, its like my mind isn't anywhere!

At the moment the kids are playing Mine craft on the Xbox, i feel like a failure that they're 'stuck in', the TV is basically looking after them today, you know when you call people for sticking their kids in front of the TV all day, i'm that today and i couldn't feel any worse about it.

So yeh, this is a mum with Fibromyalgia, the raw deal!!

I'm not sure how other parents cope with Fibro and children at home when they're in a flare, i know online like Facebook people make out they are doing amazing things and even though behind closed doors after taking numerous pictures of their child baking, the house is a mess, the children are running around screaming and the mum is on the sofa pulling her hair out...i want to see THEM pictures..but that's not what i see and its why i feel so bad, but to be honest i'm not posting pictures of today, or updating a status about today, which really i should do and im pretty sure other mothers would appreciate the raw motherhood updates rather than the " Amazing day out at the zoo!" pictures.

How do other Fibro parents cope the best during the holidays? Do you also have days like this? 

Happy Monday :)

To anyone who reads here....have a Happy Monday :)

Silent Sunday