Day 2 of School being out.

My Feelings: USELESS

The weather hasn't been the best, typical English Summer hey!.

Yesterday i promised the Kids we can go to the park today, then today came and my pain is still bad.

This is when my mood goes way down. 

Why am i like this? 

What did i do to be given pain like this? 

My energy is almost depleted, i am on the sofa downstairs with my notebook, my legs are aching so bad, its in my bones i'm sure! My ankles and wrists feel splintered when i move, my neck and shoulders are no better than my legs. WHY?!

My memory isn't the best at the moment so i'm going to refer back to this and write it in my little note book (yes another notebook lol) for my CBT appointment as all i can tell them is I've felt down but then cant put into words why, its like my mind isn't anywhere!

At the moment the kids are playing Mine craft on the Xbox, i feel like a failure that they're 'stuck in', the TV is basically looking after them today, you know when you call people for sticking their kids in front of the TV all day, i'm that today and i couldn't feel any worse about it.

So yeh, this is a mum with Fibromyalgia, the raw deal!!

I'm not sure how other parents cope with Fibro and children at home when they're in a flare, i know online like Facebook people make out they are doing amazing things and even though behind closed doors after taking numerous pictures of their child baking, the house is a mess, the children are running around screaming and the mum is on the sofa pulling her hair out...i want to see THEM pictures..but that's not what i see and its why i feel so bad, but to be honest i'm not posting pictures of today, or updating a status about today, which really i should do and im pretty sure other mothers would appreciate the raw motherhood updates rather than the " Amazing day out at the zoo!" pictures.

How do other Fibro parents cope the best during the holidays? Do you also have days like this? 

Learning to pace myself

Last week i got given a diary sheet to fill out from my CBT appointment. HOLY MOLEY! Did i realise how much wandering about i do? I'm not sure if its just me being stubborn or my brain fog choosing what it wants to remember or forget of my daily life, to have this frosted glass effect on where i'm going wrong.

For example: Day 1 - Monday.

Got up. Had my Gabapentin, 60mg Codeine, 1000mg Paracetamol, 800mg Ibuprofen. Got the kids ready for school. Lunches packed. School run done.....Walked to my grandparents (which i didn't realise until my therepist told me -one way is 3 miles!)

So i sat down at my grandparents for a few hours. Had more meds. WALKED BACK HOME! Did the shopping. Picked the kids up. Got home at 4pm.

                     Day 2 - Tuesday :
                     USELESS. I had to cancel my sons rugby practice as i couldn't get him there

                     Day 3 - Wednesday
                     USELESS. I had to cancel my hospital blood test and rearrange it.




It does suck not being able to do these things for myself, i love walking places, i love exploring and following my interests everywhere, but i need to lose this stubbornness! Due to this walk i lost 2 whole days!

Pace myself!

Drugs are bad, they numb you so you don't feel things and don't feel the damage you are doing, but they help you as well, to get you through the day..

I cannot go for long walks to the shops or on holidays or to castles, some people can, everyone's limits are different. I am lucky in a sense that im not bed/house bound, but i am only 28 and i'm still fairly young and i hope it doesn't get worse as this is not fun for anybody with me......this is why i push people away.

A Sad Day

So today i learned that my Great Auntie Joan has passed away, she was found in her chair by her son who had tried to, unsuccessfully, call her last night but to no avail.

I hadn't seen her for years and years since she move back down South from up North, but i will always remember her voice, isn't it weird what you remember of people :) .

I shared a lot of medical links with her that i don't with other family members, she also had Graves disease and had a Thyroidectomy like myself, she had gallstone issues and also, the big one, Fibromyalgia!, it was just me and her who had it in the family that i know of!

I was a bit naughty today and walked all the way to my grandparents and all the way back, up to school, to the shops to get tea, the school run and then now iv'e finally sat down at 4 pm from being out from 10 am, i decided to double my medication as i knew i had to go and see my gran, as she has just lost her sister. My granddad gave me £5 for the bus, so if anybody sees him, please lie for me and tell him i caught the bus haha ;).

 Sadly i HAVE to write this on my diary form for CBT which will obviously end up with me getting shouted at......i am forever getting shouted at, but thats what theyre there for, to help me pace myself, this is my problem, im very stubborn, if i feel i can do something i don't think of the consequences....i can feel the consequences now though......grim!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Chronic Pain

Today i had my first session ( after my introduction appointment ) to discuss where i want to begin with the therapy. It isn't as straight forward as tackling one sole issue, i did originally get referred due to anxiety, but it has now come to light that it is also depression, trying to deter my thoughts away from the pain and feeling like a failure and trying to pace myself. 

We have decided to start with pacing myself and dealing with my pain and then move on to my feelings and moods which along with the chronic pain builds up my anxiety...too many circle are going around and around!! 

In order to break the circle, each part of it needs tackling! We can change our physical reactions by practicing relaxation techniques, we can challenge our unhelpful thinking patterns by completing a thought diary and we can change our behaviors by tackling avoidance. By carrying out these things, we should start to notice changes in our mood, feel less anxious and in time learn to accept and manage our pain.

It is common for someone experiencing Chronic Pain to think negatively and negative thinking will increase our sensitivity to the pain that we are experiencing.

Has anybody had CBT for Chronic Pain along with other mental health issues, what techniques did you learn that help with your pain and emotional well being?